178.

right now...today...this past week, has been really hard for me. not too much has been going on with friends, or school. but i've just been thinking a lot about my family.

it's been almost 2 years since my grandpa died. on tuesday it'll be 2 whole years. my mom's sick & i can tell that he's been on her mind a lot lately. i've been trying to help around the house as much as i can..not only that, but i've been trying to be as positive as i can.

Then i look at some old friends & see where they are in life...that just makes me even more sad because they haven't gone anywhere but downhill. i wish there was something i could do for someone so far away, but i can't.

I've done a lot of changing recently & one of the things i changed is to not let people know when i'm sad. so i haven't really made a big deal out of my grandpa & i haven't really been telling my close friends about how my old friend struggle. No one really likes to ask me about that deep of stuff because they think all i want to do is be around for the fun...when some times i just wanna talk. you know? I guess you could say, i'm a little bit sad lately. Not with my life in arizona, or with my friends, or with my family, or with school, but just with things in my head that are uncontrollable.

-A